Scientists have revealed after studies, that the bones of St. Joan of Arc the warmongering French peasant girl, may be those of a domestic cat. Catholic pilgrims since the 19th century have traveled to Chinon, western France to pay homage to the remains of the girl who was burnt at the stake by the British as a witch in 1431. She had claimed she had heard gods voice telling her to kill the British, in the same way that George Bush and Tony Blair claimed that god told them to go kill Muslims.

The cats bones were possibly from religious medieval fanatics who would burn cats as they believed they often accompanied witches on their nocturnal broomstick rides.

The religious relic section of the Israeli Museum in Jerusalem, recently named its head of its antiquities section as the fifth suspect in a forgery ring, as Rafael Braun, as confirmed by the Justice Ministry, Israel now oversees all discoveries in the antiquities fields in the occupied territories, and decides which finds to release, which to hold back and which to forge. Police claimed two big recent fakes are the burial casket of Jesus brother James, and a stone tablet detailing work on the Jewish temple with misleading dates.

Many of the recent suspect papyri have come through these sources, and are intended to re-write Christianities history to be more favorable to Jews. Religious documentation in Britain regarding the Church and state connection, are to be reviewed this year under changes which may bring future separation. There are rumored by church officials to be enough fragments of the true cross to make 6 more, and many people are cashing in on the paranormal boom with the discovery that their house is haunted and you can see over for 5 dollars.

A recent Guardian poll said 82% of people polled said religion was a major cause of conflict, many felt the U.S A was behind the engineered Sunni versus Shia war in Iraq to take the heat of U S forces.

The British Guy Fawkes celebrations on bonfire night are now seen as politically incorrect, and a recent telephone poll of 1000 people suggested no one knew who Guy Fawkes was, and one reply from a Muslim school thought it was an anti homosexual ritual, called the burning of the “Gay Fox”, other suggestions included burning a Tony Blair effigy in a replacement ceremony entitled ; “Arsoles Night” however 14% of the public still believe that politicians tell the truth, 7% said fairies could exist at the bottom of the garden, and Saddham Hussein really was a threat with weapons of mass destruction that could be released in 45 minutes, surprisingly British politician John Prescott actually spoke for the people here, while Margaret Beckett who stood in for Tony Blair as spokesman for the Saddham murder, was told her appearance was a breach of the dangerous dogs act.

T Stokes